The Best Things in Life, They're Free
The Best Things in Life, They’re Free
Same Cooke recorded a song live at the Copacabana in New
York that had been written in 1927 by the team of Buddy DeSylva, Lew Brown, and
Ray Henderson for the musical, Good News. The song was entitled the Best Things in Life,
They’re Free.
These are the lyrics, “Ah, the moon belongs to everyone,
the best things in life, they’re free. Stars belong to everyone, they cling
there for you and for me. Flowers in spring, the robins that sing, the sunbeams
that shine, they’re yours and their mine, ya’all. Love can come to everyone,
the best things in life, they’re free. All of the good things, every one of the
better things, the best, best things in life, they’re free.” (end of lyrics)
The best things in life are free provided you have access
to information necessary to get what you want. You can have all the good love
you want when you give away all the good love you need.
What we hunger for, we will do whatever we must to
satisfy our hunger. If we are hungry for love, we will do whatever we must to
satisfy our hunger.f these ling
What can a woman do to satisfy her hunger to heal from
childhood sexual and domestic trauma? In short, she must be willing to do whatever
she must to satisfy he hunger to heal.
The first thing she must do to heal is acknowledge what
happened. Pretending that it has not affected your life when it was happening,
when it stopped happening, and even to decades later, the lingering effects of
childhood sexual and domestic trauma still affect you.
Here is how you can know you are affected decades later.
If you are affected by any of these lingering effects, you can satisfy your hunger
to heal.
The American College
of Obstetricians and gynecologists ’ abstract
entitled, Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse Report that the long term effects
of childhood sexual abuse are varied, complex, and often devastating .
Depression, anxiety, and anger are among the
most commonly reported emotional responses to what was the experience of
childhood sexual abuse, now the experience of living with long term experience
of untreated childhood sexual and domestic trauma.
Gynecologic lingering effects include chronic
pelvic pain, dyspareunia (pain that occurs just before, during or
after sex), vaginismus (vaginal fear of penetration), non-specific
vaginitis, and gastrointestinal disorders.
These diagnoses are common among abuse survivors
with the long term lingering effects of childhood sexual and domestic trauma. Effects
can take a toll on survivors for decades.
Tricketta, Jennie G. Nollb, Frank W. Putnamc revealed
sequaela across a host of
biopsychosocial domains including: earlier onsets of puberty, cognitive
deficits, depression, dissociative symptoms, maladaptive sexual development,
hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal attenuation, asymmetrical stress responses, high
rates of obesity, more major illnesses and healthcare utilization, dropping out
of high school, persistent posttraumatic stress disorder, self-mutilation,
physical and sexual re-victimization, premature deliveries, teen motherhood,
drug and alcohol abuse, and domestic violence; hell on Earth?
Over my career, thousands of women have intimated to me that their father, older brother, or other family members sexually abused them regularly while they were small children. They were threatened with greater harm if they told anyone. For the good that I would, I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
In many
cases, mothers knew this was happening to their daughters and said nothing.
When little girls and teen girls were brave enough to tell what was happening
to them, more often than not, they were not believed and sometimes blamed for
what happened as if they deserved what happened to them.
What is your responsibility? You must hunger for your healing
anddo whatever you must to heal. When would now be a better time to take
ownership and responsibility for your life through acts of self-love and
personal care through the process of healing? Help is available to you.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey
If you are living with the lingering effects of childhood sexual or domestic trauma and you have done your best to keep anyone from knowing, but you know that you struggle emotionally because of what happened to you, when would now be a better time to take this quiz privately, to discover what actions you should take.
The ACE Questionnaire is a simple scoring system that
attributes one’s exposure to trauma, which have been associated with a greater
risk of negative point for each category of adverse childhood experience. The
10 questions below each cover a different domain of trauma, and refer to
experiences that occurred prior to the age of 18. Higher scores indicate
increased consequences.
While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of
life:
1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or
very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in
a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? YES NO If yes,
enter 1 _____
2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or
very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so
hard that you had marks or were injured? YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
3. Did an adult or person at least five years older than
you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or
Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? YES NO If
yes, enter 1 _____
4. Did you often or very often feel that… No one in your
family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family
didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each
other? YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t
have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?
or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the
doctor if you needed it? YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? YES NO
If yes, enter 1 _____
7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often
pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often,
or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or
Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or
alcoholic or who used street drugs? YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or
did a household member attempt suicide? YES NO If yes, enter 1 _____
10. Did a household member go to prison? YES NO If yes,
enter 1 _____
You get one point for each type of trauma.
The higher your ACE score, the higher your risk of disease, social and
emotional problems as an adult.
Now add up your “Yes”
answers: _______. This is your ACE Score
When we honestly complete the ACES Quiz, we can
see clearly where we have work to do. We can also choose the healing medium we
believe can serve our interests in the most efficient and cost effective way.
The Conclusion
Identifying the lingering effects of childhood sexual
and domestic trauma in your life positions you one step closer to satisfying
your hunger to heal. Identifying your responses to the questions in the Adverse
Childhood Experiences Survey makes clear to you the behavior of adults that
caused your experiences of trauma.
If you not only experience the lingering effects
of childhood sexual and domestic trauma but have also identified the adverse
childhood experiences that caused your experiences of trauma, you are two steps closer to
taking action to satisfy your hunger to heal.
Follow these paths to coaching and coursework to accomplish
your healing in 42 days. If you are hungry to heal and willing to do the work
necessary to heal from the lingering effects of childhood sexual and domestic
trauma, you will heal.
Contact Oscar Crawford,
Author and Healing Coach at
Email: oscarcrawfordmedia@gmail.com
Social Media
@oscarcrawfordmedia and
@healingwithoscarcrawford on Instagram
Call 480 – 222 – 4654 for a no cost 20 minutes consultation.
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